What If
by SYuuri
Summary: Kim gives Tommy something to think about for the rest of the night...and the rest of his life. TK. MAJOR ANGST. Plz Read and Rev.
1. Panorama

**What If**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own anything that related to Power Rangers. I just borrow the characters. **

**:: This is a two part story and an AU. I want to try something different so there will be a little bit of angst or maybe a lot of it in this story. I do hope you like this.**

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**_Love doesn't have to end with a happy ending because it doesn't have to end at all_**

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_Tommy, if I die, will you be upset? _

Kimberly's earlier words echoed in his ears. Was it really necessary to ask? And why did she ask that kind of questions , anyway?

She had her back towards him so he couldn't see her face when she say that. But there's something in her voice that grabbed his full attention. His girlfriend sounded vulnerable, fragile and he didn't like it. It wasn't like her.

"_What the hell are you talking about?" Frowning, Tommy looked over his shoulder and noticed that Kim had eased herself from her previous position against his back. She flashed him a slightly guilty smile. "And I won't answer your question," he stated firmly._

"_It's nothing actually. Did I surprise you?" Kim wiggled her eyebrows then lifted her head to gaze at the night sky above them. "I like watching the stars at night like this," Normally, Tommy would love to tease her about that comment. Who ever heard about stargazing in the afternoon? But this time he opted to keep quiet. "People might be able to fly to the moon and do many great, unimaginable things, but they can't really do anything if they're told they're going to die tomorrow, can they? Money and power won't help them. Don't you think so?" _

_The brunette had begun to worry him, and confuse him, to say the least. "Kim, are you feeling alright?" _

_The pink ranger chuckled and poked his shoulder playfully. "What's wrong, Handsome? Not up for playing twenty questions? Bear with me. I'm feeling a little bit melancholy at the moment," _

"_What's wrong? You know you can talk to me about everything," Tommy said gently, reaching out his hand to touch her cheek. How come could they reach this kind of depressing topic? At one second they were laughing at Billy's reaction when he received the first A- in his seventeen year's history of living, and the next second, they were in the middle of a will-you-be-sad-if-I-die conversation. "You're not… sick or something, aren't you?" He asked carefully and somewhat matter-of factly. The last thing he wanted to hear was that Kim had a breast cancer or any other deadly illness and her life was just six months away. _

_It would kill him in a heartbeat. He had no doubt about that._

_Something in the back of his mind told him that he shouldn't take her words seriously, but somehow his heart spoke otherwise. Tommy felt that Kim was not in the mood for playing games. He expected Kim to laugh or do anything else other than looking at him with those brown eyes and not saying anything at all. He swore his heart had already stopped beating for at least three seconds before she finally smiled, snorted and then – thank God– laughed. Tommy immediately felt tons of brick being lifted off his shoulders and he could breathe a little easier._

_Maybe she was in that time of the month, Tommy mused, deciding to keep that thought to himself. But he honestly preferred dealing with a moody Kim to this…- whatever state she was in- Kimberly right now. _

_Tommy laughed rather awkwardly and when she rested her head on his shoulder, pulled her closer to him. She seemed to be okay with it and wrapped her arm around his middle._

"_So? You were saying?" he asked, waiting for her to continue. _

_Instead of answering him, Kim sighed, looked up at him and leaned over, kissing him softly. "I love you, Tommy," _

He dropped her off not too long after that. It was a school night so he had to take her home before ten, a new regulation her mom had set up for Kim after they showed up late at night last month. With a parting hug and a kiss that drugged him for more, Tommy watched her go behind the white painted door, all the while thinking about her question over and over again.

Her mood seemed to get better although it was obvious, even to him, that there's something bugging her mind. They talked about other things after her question. But until he got ready to sleep, her voice refused to leave his mind, disturbing him to no end.

"Beautiful…,"

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**:: Confuse? So do I. Lol. So that's the short first part. Everything will be explained in the next chapter which hopefully longer than this one. Wait, no, it'll definitely longer. Please review. No flame though. Thanks.**

**- Yuuri :)**


	2. Close my eyes

**What If**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Power Rangers, that's for sure. **

**:: Thanks for the reviews and this is the last part of the short series. It set a few months after the first chapter. Hope you like it. **

**:: Again, this is an AU.**

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**Part Two: Close my eyes**

It had been almost a week since Kimberly left for Florida to pursuit her dream, leaving Tommy all alone in Angel Grove. Not that he didn't encourage her to go. How could he not. The former pink ranger was everything to him – literally- so it wasn't actually all that hard to push her to go when she told him about the offer, the once in a lifetime offer... Okay, that's a lie. It was hard. So very hard to put her on that plane but he was sure back then and even now that it was for the best. As simple as that.

Kim hesitated for a while, thinking about the rangers and her duty to protect the earth. She felt it wouldn't be right to just walk out of something as important as being a ranger, and with that thought in mind, she stated that she wouldn't leave the team. Meaning she would just let that generous offer from Coach Schmidt slip from her grasp.

Tommy, for one, knew better than the rest of the guys. She wanted to go, but her responsibility to her 'job' somehow held her back and Tommy knew that he had to do something about that. He didn't want her to leave, but it wouldn't be fair for her.

Finally, after many tissue papers, long phone calls to Switzerland, hugs and kisses, she finally made up her mind. Kimberly would take the offer and go to Florida. It was difficult to keep his face straight, knowing that they would be apart for 3000 miles away and only God knows what kind of challenges they had to face within their time apart, but he was genuinely happy for Kim.

_Hi Handsome,_

_Florida is a nice place. It feels weird, not having you and the guys around, but I think I'll live. It kinda surprised me a little when I have my first practise yesterday. It was so different from what I've expected. It's like in those movies: strict, full of regulations and I even have to cut out my weight! But well, like I said, I'll live. This is for the best after all. It's late so I'll brush my teeth, go to bed and dream about us. Love you. _

_Kim_

_P.S.: Do you know that I have bought like dozens of postcards? So expect to hear from me pretty often!_

Katherine, the new girl from Australia, was the one Kim chose to take over the pink mantle. Katherine knew about their secret identities as rangers when she got kidnapped by one of Zedd's monster long time ago. One thing led to another and their covers were blown. She swore with her life that she wouldn't tell a soul and she actually didn't. Katherine was a perfect candidate to be the next pink ranger.

_Hi, Tommy!_

_So how's thing back in Angel Grove? There's no rest for you and the gang, I assume. Have I told you that Florida is fantastic? It's awesome. And guess what? I've made friends with some of the girls here. Tracey, Becca and Julie. They three are my new 'victims'. Lol. I told them a lot about you, showed them your pictures and they all said that I was a very lucky girl. Which I am, thank you. We all love to shop, and don't roll your eyes, Mister, I know you! Hehe… Anyway, I miss you so much, Handsome. Can't wait to see you again. Anyway, I have practise about ten minutes more, so, I'll write again soon. _

_Love,_

_Kimberly._

Tommy never admitted this to anyone, not even Jason, but seeing Kat in the pink suit just made his heart ache. It reminded him of something that used to be there but no longer there anymore. Kimberly Hart.

_Tommy…_

_Missing you like crazy, you know. The practise was terrible. I hope you were here with me. There are times when I hate Coach_ _Schmidt so much. Sorry, I don't mean to whine like a baby, but I just need to let this out. You understand, right? But I'll be okay. Come on, with my background with all those goons, handling just one human is nothing. 'Smug grin'. _

_I hope everything went well. How're the guys? And Katherine? I guess she'll do just fine, having you and the others to help her to fit in. You've heard this million of times but I really miss you all, and Zordon and Alpha too. Say hi to them from me, okay? _

_Love,_

_Kim _

After a long battle with the ATM machine slash television set slash fridge monster, Tommy was tired. Physically and mentally. He still had tons of schoolwork that he needed to finish by tonight and not to mention the karate class he had to teach in about forty five minutes.

Dropping his worn-out body to his bed, Tommy sighed hard. Even after all this time, he still couldn't accept the fact that Kim was no longer in the Angel Grove. No longer in the team. If Kat was not more than slightly taller than Kim, he swore, he would have a hard time to remember that the pink ranger wasn't his girlfriend. It's not that he couldn't tell them apart. He would recognize Kim anywhere, besides, their fighting styles were different. Katherine was a great addition to the power team, but it was different without Kim there. He wanted Kimberly back, fighting in his side like the old days.

_Tommy… stop torturing yourself! _He chided himself. He did the right thing. He needed to let her go. Tommy reached out his hand and grabbed the latest letter Kim'd sent and read it for the fourth time that week.

_Hey, Tommy!_

_You know what, today we got a break from Coach (wow, according to the others, it rarely ever happened) so we decided to hit the beach. Florida's beach is awesome, although I miss our beach in AG more… okay, no sad faces! We promised that before. 'Wink'. _

_I got the chance to work on my tan and to try out the brand new bikini suit I bought last week. It's white and pink. White for you and pink for me. Call me silly, I still think that it's my color. 'Guilty grin'. Anyway, I know you would die to see me in that suit…emphasize at the word 'die'. Lol. Maybe next time you can have time out from all the saving-the-world business and fly to FL. The beach was great, the sun was burning and the guys were just hot! Oh no! Did I just say, no, I mean, write that? Lol. Kidding, Handsome. I think I have your full attention now. _

_I have ten a.m practise so I'll post this now and head to the gym. See ya!_

_Love,_

_Beautiful ;)_

Smiling contentedly, Tommy put the letter back on his nightstand, got up and headed to the bathroom.

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Finally Tommy would see his girlfriend again after a painful six months. He had been saving up and with his parents' blessing and Zordon's approval, he booked the earliest flight to Miami. He could easily teleport back if he were needed, which he hope he wouldn't be, and then teleport back when whatever monster Zedd created had been blown into million of pieces. Tommy didn't tell Kimberly about this special visit. She always loved surprises and now she would get one.

_Hi, Tommy..._

_Just want to say that I love you. :)_

_Love,_

_Kimberly_

He missed her. They only talked for like six times since she got there. They're both very busy people; Kim with the team and Tommy with school and the ranger business. In fact they hadn't talked for like months. He tried to call her several times but her roommate always told him that Kim was busy. He knew that Kim was practising hard but he didn't want her to push herself too much. They settled with writing letters but still, he missed her and now he finally would see her again.

While Tommy was thinking about what he would do when he finally meet her-- he's still unsure whether he wanted to kiss her senseless or embrace her in a tight hug and not let go, at least for the next two days-- when the door of Kim's apartment swang open. Standing before him was a tall redhead in a black leotard. Her slightly wet hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail. She raised her eyebrows inquisitively.

" Yes, can I help you?"

" Hi. I'm looking for Kimberly Hart," Tommy answered and for some reasons felt rather uncomfortable under those hazel eyes. The athletes' compound that Kim lived in was a nice place with blue and white colors. It was a nice place although he wasn't all that convinced about the security. There's practically noone to check the people going in and out the place. They just asked for his ID without listing who he's going to see. For Tommy, it was a little bit careless. Well, okay, more than a little perhaps. He should say something about that to Kim.

" Kim?" the girl asked and her hand moved to grasp at the doorknob tightly, as if looking for something to keep her from falling. "You're…,"

" My name is Tommy and I'm Kim's boyfriend from Angel Grove,"

" Oh… I thought…," the girl looked down, her face marred with sorrow that he couldn't make out. Something cold grasped his heart. Something bad had happened to Kim. Before Tommy voiced out his concern, she lifted his head and said, "I'm Julie. Kim's friend," the gymnast looked everywhere else but his face and muttered, "was Kim's friend,"

" What?" Tommy couldn't control his voice and it's nearly high pitched. "What do you mean by that?"

" Tommy," she started. " you better come inside,"

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" _Tommy," Julie began after she sat on the beige colored couch. He refused to do the same although she had told him to sit down. "this was a major shocker because I really didn't expect you to come until maybe a few months later," _

" _Where's Kim?" he asked impatiently, pacing around the small living room. _

" _She… when she came here six months ago, she told me that there's a big chance that she wouldn't finish the program," Julie said softly, her hands clutched the arm of the sofa tightly until her knuckles went white. "and when I asked her why…," as if she couldn't hold the news any longer, Julie looked up straight into Tommy's eyes and moved to the point of the topic right away, " Tommy, Kimberly's gone," _

The white ranger blinked back more tears that threatened to come out. The words were still ringing inside his head and he wondered if he would ever forget about that one moment.

' _Tommy… Kimberly's gone,' _

Julie was informing him about the dead of the former pink ranger and he refused to believe so. That's ridiculous. How could she be dead? She couldn't be dead. This was Kimberly they were talking about. It's just… not possible. Sure, according to Dulcea, everything's possible. But not this time.

" _It happened two months ago," Julie continued in a tiny voice that he almost couldn't catch her words. "she didn't feel any pain, Tommy," _

_Two months ago? She sent him those letters two months ago! How could she be… he didn't even want to say that word out loud. His knees went weak but he still refused Julie's offer to sit down. His mouth was as dry as someone's who had been out there in the Sahara desert for a week without water and his brain seemed to be having some diffulties to take all the information he just received. _

" _That's impossible," was the only thing that he managed to say and when he did, it was barely above a whisper. _

_A lone tear escape Julie's eye and she quickly wiped it with the back of her hand. She shook her head. " It was me," _

" _What was you?" Tommy asked hoarsely, getting more and more confused by the second. _

" _I was the one who sent you those letters," Julie had successfully delivered another bomshell in his arms. Tommy wanted to get sick. " Kim asked me to do so," _

" _What?" he snapped roughly. _

" _Please, just hear me out, okay?" Julie almost pleaded and his silence manner answered her. She bit her lips and continued with shaky voice. " Kim told me that… she had this tumor in her head that she just found out very recently. With the frequent headache and nausea, she went to the doctor just to find out about her condition. An operation wasn't an option because she might lose her life in the process. The place of the tumor was kind of… dangerous. She didn't tell anyone about that," Julie looked at Tommy briefly, like knowing that Kim didn't tell anyone, not just him, would make him feel any better. " she was miserable, and scared as hell," Julie let out a bitter laugh. "well, who would blame her," _

" _Kim decided to keep it as a secret. And then came Coach's offer," Julie stood up and walked to the other side of the room. "at that time, she thought it was perfect. A chance to leave everything she cared about. She didn't want you to worry about her," _

_Tommy nearly spat when he finally found his voice back. His fist hit the wall, making Julie jump. "She lied to us? To… me? How could she do this to me? I thought she loved me, I thought she-,"_

" _She did love you," Julie cut him off sharply. " all of you. That's why she didn't want you all to see her dieing slowly in front of your very eyes," _

" _Then it got to be the stupidest reason I have ever heard in my entire life," Tommy responded almost desperately. He felt numb, not having the slightest clue of what he's going to do next. This was too hard for his brain to take. It was when he remembered about Kimberly's constant complains about her throbbing head and that time when she fainted. Why didn't he pay more attention when she said so? Hell, he should at least take her to the doctor!_

" _Her parents knew, of course. Her mom moved here not too long after she came here," Julie said and Tommy recalled about Ms. Hart's sudden departure. Noone knew about her daughter's illness, just that she had to look out for her sister in New Jersey. "and then her Dad. Kim missed the team's routine check up at the second month so we didn't know about her physical condition that time. But then she told me and decided to tell Coach Schmidt_ _about the tumor. She left the program after that. We're still friends and she asked me to help her," _

" _She wrote those letters and asked you to send them to me every two weeks?" Tommy filled in for her, feeling his heart breaking all the more. _

" _Kim wanted to tell you, but then she remembered about the school finals and with some other things that you had to deal with, she said you didn't need more distractions," _

" _You told me that she was busy when I called…," _

" _She was hospitalized at that time," Julie said apologetically. " I'm sorry, Tommy,"_

She was sorry? It was easy for her to say that she was sorry. Tommy hated that look in her face… and probably in everyone's face back home in Angel Grove when they finally knew about Kimberly. He didn't want their pity. He just wanted Kim back in his arms. Safe and sound. But that wouldn't happen, would it?

He didn't even get the chance to say his final goodbye to her. How could this happen to him? To them? Kimberly was sick and he wasn't that good of a boyfriend, a friend, until he didn't know about that until it's too late? Why Zordon didn't sense anything about this? His mentor should know everything about his rangers. Or ex-rangers.

_Kim, why did you do this to us? Why you acted so selfish? Didn't you think of me for a second when you decided to lie to us? Didn't you trust me enough to help you? To be there for you? God, I miss you so much, Beautiful. I miss seeing your face, your smile, hearing your laugh… I miss holding you close to me and kiss you… I miss you. _

Tommy shifted and fished out a letter Julie gave him it before he left the apartment. Julie said that she had burnt all the letters that he sent, letters that Kim wasn't able to read. He unfolded the paper slowly and read it for the second time.

_Hey Handsome…_

_Well, if you're reading this right now, it means I'm no longer around anymore. I know you must be so angry to me, Tommy, you have every right to. I know that I am a selfish bitch. I should tell you sooner. You and the rest of the gang. It's just… I'm really scared, Tommy. I was told to my face that I just have at least five months for me to live the life I have, and while some people want to create as many memories as they could, I just can't. And maybe, that way, it'd be easier for you to forget about me. _

**I'll always be beside you until the very end**

_At first, leaving wasn't my option. I had responsibility with the team and I couldn't just waltz away from it. It's not that simple. It was a tough decision for me, but with Katherine there, I knew I had to leave. Actually, I managed to go through the program for a while before I had to quit gymnastics completely. Coach_ _Schmidt is a wonderful person and he taught me a lot. I also made many friends here. So, despite the fact that I lie to you and my illness, I was happy._

**wiping all your tears away,**

_I don't want to die, Tommy. I love my imperfect life and I cherish every second I have. I still want to enjoy watching sunsets with you in our ponds, eating cookies and cream ice cream with Rocky after school, shopping with Aisha, practising gymnastics every afternoon, going to school and studying geometry with Billy and Adam… Even I still want to fight those tengas. I'm scared, Tommy and I think I'm protecting myself by moving to Florida, creating distance with you all. Although there's part of me that just wants to tell you the truth, there's a bigger part that rejects it. _

**being your bestfriends.**

_Oh, and honestly, I don't look really good. I won't be lying to you again, Tommy, this treatment I have to go through hurts so much and while I will feel better with you by my side, I decide that you don't have to see this part of me. I don't want the last thing you remember about me is how I look like a living corpse like in that horibble horror movie Zack used to rent. I want you to remember me as your 'Beautiful'. I know. It's another selfish reason. _

**I'll smile when you smile and feel the pain you do,**

_You may grief for me but you have to move on. Just remember me as a part of your life that has ended and you have to continue with your life. Keep me in your heart but don't let the memories of me hold you back. Even though I'm dead, I'm not leaving you. I will never. So keep on living for me, okay? Do everything that I can't do. And you have to open up your heart for another love. I'm sure there's a girl out there for you, someone who will completed you in every way. _

**and if you cry a single tear**

_I love you, Tommy. I love you so much. Please forgive me? _

_P.S: Tell the gang I'm sorry, and tell Zordon that I apologize for being such a coward. Tell them I love them all._

_Love,_

_Kimberly, your Beautiful_

**I promise I'll cry too**

Tommy wiped his eyes with his hand before the tears hit his cheek because if he started to cry, he wouldn't be able to stop. As hard as it seemed to be, Tommy could understand her reason. But why it should end like this?

He gazed at the Florida's sky. It should be a perfect, romantic evening. But now…There wouldn't be his Kimberly anymore for him to talk to about all of his problems, to think about late at night… thinking about her would kill him. He wanted to get angry to her for being so egoistic, for leaving him. But what good would it bring him? Kim wouldn't be back.

" _This maybe for the best," Kim said once they were standing face to face at the airport. They still had a couple of minutes before Kim had to go. Tommy looked down at her questioningly. Kim lifted her hands and framed his cheek lovingly "Don't forget me, okay? And be careful," she added, hinting at the saving-the-world-from-monsters- attack job he had to do, along with the rest of the team. _

" _I can't ever forget you," Tommy mock glared at her when she stiffled her laugh. The leader of the Power Rangers didn't have the best memory and everyone knew that. Well, almost everyone. " it's true. I'm gonna miss you so much, Beautiful," he turned his face to press a lingering kiss on her palm. " you have to take care, okay?" _

" _I will," Kim nodded, tears had started filling her soft brown eyes. " I love you, Tommy," she said. _

" _I love you too," _

Somehow, her words made sense now. He didn't know how he would react in front of Ms. Hart, knowing that she had been keeping that one big secret from him. He also didn't know how he would explain things to the team. He didn't know about anything anymore.

It was when something got inside his head and it made him want to cry even more. Why he didn't push her to tell him when she said it that time?

" _Tommy, if I die, will you be upset?"_

_

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**:: Okay…Please don't throw me your shoes! (Duck down and hide under the table). So yeah, I killed Kim and I'm truly sorry for not warning you at my summary. I don't want to spoil it. Sorry! This idea came to me from out of nowhere and I decided I'd give it a try. I realize though, that I made Kim pretty selfish here, but I think it makes sense, in some ways. And I don't know anything about tumor so if there's some incorrect information, please forgive me. About the gaps that I actually have to fill, well, just leave it there for now. The bold lines aren't mine, just something I found in the internet, Anyway, thanks for reading and please don't forget to leave me your reviews. No flame please. **

**- Yuuri ;)**


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